The importance of clinical counseling in holistic vaginismus treatment

Women with vaginismus not only suffer pain but experience many side effects. Few vaginismus patients have been diagnosed correctly, if at all, from the start of their seeking help. Many tell of a long journey involving several kinds of physicians, alternative practitioners, and therapists, most of whom have misdiagnosed the problem often telling the woman in effect that it’s all in her head. Stories told by patients include feeling “not being a whole woman” and therefore unable to be a “real wife”. Others tell of dating men who abuse them because they don’t deserve better: “No good guy would want someone who can’t have real sex.”

Because understanding of vaginismus is recent, clinicians and physicians often lack training in the diagnostic criteria. They “see” nothing wrong and conclude that the pain stems from psychological issues of the individual or her relationship. Other types of practitioners focus treatment on emotional and physiological awareness and pain control, or on manual relaxation of the pelvic region.

Vaginismis myths

 

Several myths exist regarding the causes of vaginismus. One of the most prominent is that sufferers were raped or sexually abused and, in response, developed resistance and pain. Another is that negative background, including attitudes of shame or fear of sex, caused the problem. These sound like reasonable causations based on symptoms, but recent research suggests no more prevalence in backgrounds of abuse or negativity than in women with no vaginismus. Nor does sexual pain appear to be a consistent response in women who do have abusive or negative backgrounds. Many vaginismus sufferers report no exceptionally negative backgrounds with regard to sexuality; their female siblings, raised in the same family, do not have vaginismus. The condition of vaginismus has also been confirmed cross-culturally, suggesting that background is not a causative factor.

Vaginismus realities

 

The most telling support for the diagnosis that vaginismus is NOT “all in your head” is the experience of women who receive appropriate medical treatment. During treatment, under anesthesia, spasms still occur when muscles are touched. Since the woman’s “head” is not involved at the time, one conclusion is that spasms are local and physical as well as involuntary. When such spasms occur in another part of the body, such as facial tics, [botox] is effective in eliminating the spasms. The same treatment works on vaginal muscles. Even after the patient wakes up and her thinking head is again involved in her physiological functioning, the spasms and pain are gone.

Elements of treatment

 

As in many medical treatments, ending the physical cause is not the total healing process. As we know from other types of bodily injury and rehabilitation, the body may have to learn new muscular responses to the brain’s new signals. Women with vaginismus have tight, short muscles that need stretching over time. Since painful spasms have now been stopped, other forms of therapy can begin. Successful vaginismus patients have daily contact with the physician or nurse for many days or weeks during the dilation therapy that follows Botox treatment. If this supportive, coaching style follow-up is not provided by the physician or her/his well-trained staff, a sex therapist trained in vaginismus treatment and follow-up is necessary.

This process has been reported as 95% successful, success being defined as ability to have painless intercourse within weeks or months of treatment. This success, however, also involves clinical counseling. Although the cause of vaginismus is not in the head, many side effects of suffering from the condition become lodged in the mind and manifest in the woman’s relationships.

Sexuality is central to one’s personal identity; pain of any kind experienced during sexuality affects self-identity. After physical pain has stopped and normal physiological function can begin, lack of positive sexual experience, self -esteem issues, and awkward or scary feelings inhibiting sexuality do not necessarily disappear along with the pain.

What is called “low desire” refers in part to experiencing less automatic desire for sexual relations than one wants to have. Not only the woman, but also her male partner, may have low desire for sex even when her pain is stopped and her muscles have stretched. In her, a lack of sexual desire may result from years of associating pain with sex. Her relationships have also been negatively affected: Women with vaginismus and their partners often experience anxiety, depression, deep feelings of rejection, doubt in themselves and in the relationship, guilt, and lack of trust.

A man in relationship with a woman who has vaginismus may have low desire stemming not only from lack of positive experience, but from feeling he’s caused pain for his partner. This results in no confidence and poor sexual functioning. Not wanting to hurt their partner may lead to erectile or orgasm problems. Both partners are afraid of pain and emotional disappointment, and sexual encounters have often been fraught with apologies and attempts to convince each other that failure of “normal” sex is not due to a lack of loving one another.

Who could have an automatic desire for sex after all that?

Instead, what is now automatic for many couples are negative and anxious emotions and thoughts, recovering from which is not an instant or given result of the medical treatment that stops her spasms. Such issues and experiences are also not exclusive to vaginismus sufferers, fortunately, because this means that qualified sex therapists can help with these non-medical aspects of healing.

Misdirected therapies

 

Many women and couples who, prior to medical treatment, undertook counseling that did not help are leery of seeing another therapist during or after treatment. Many a woman has been told that she may have repressed memories of abuse, or that some other deep-seated psychological problem is causing vaginal spasms, or that her vagina is closing up because somewhere in her psyche she wants to “keep out” the man’s penis or “avoid emotional as well as physical penetration” (quotes from therapists on e-list discussion).

Objections have been raised by some therapists about the use of botox and dilators to correct vaginismus, claiming that inserting the dilators while the patient is under anesthesia is a violation of the woman, even though she stated wanting (and consented in writing) to the treatment. This is a specious argument unless one assumes that women with vaginismus, despite what they say, don’t really know what they want, whereas the therapist does: that the therapist knows more about the woman than she does about herself – the therapist cannot trust what the patient says but has the right to override what the patient says.

Such assumptions presume that vaginismus IS a psychological problem based on “not wanting to be penetrated.” Such a perspective may be seated in political views. If those views are meant to support women, then it is imperative to understand that women with vaginismus are not psychotic; they have a physical, medically treatable condition.

All women so far treated (Pacik, 2011) report resulting positive experience, including being happily surprised, even healed from their disbelief, when they wake up with a dilator inserted, yet without pain. Healing does not result from violation. If we adopt the “violated” view, we must also conclude that every woman is lying post-treatment.

Design of successful, non-physiological treatment

 

A comprehensive and holistic treatment plan for vaginismus includes counseling with a relationship and sex therapist as part of pre-medical treatment preparation. The woman and couple will almost certainly need post-medical relationship and sex counseling. Having a rapport with such a therapist already in place is arguably imperative so that the couple is comfortable with the counselor when pain has stopped, rehabilitation is happening, and intercourse becomes possible. Connection with an appropriately trained counselor prior to treatment combats mistrust caused by any experiences with therapists who, besides not diminishing the vaginismus, compounded personal and relationship problems with incorrect diagnosis and treatment.

If the physician is providing much of the vaginal rehabilitation follow-up counseling, part of post-treatment counseling need is being met, but issues beyond the scope of any physician ought to be assessed and addressed by a qualified clinician. Often physicians understandably don’t know what questions to ask, nor how to address the answers; women and their partners themselves often have not sorted out the details and depths of the negative side-effects caused by struggling with vaginismus for months or years. A qualified sexuality counselor with additional current information on vaginismus treatment is integral to healing the woman, her partner, and their relationship from the effects of this painful and damaging condition.

Rhea Orion, PhD, CSC

lovehelp@me.com

lovehelp.US

68 Coombs Street

Napa, CA 94559

707-266-1269

Practice random kindness…

A client told me a story today that made me think of the saying practice random acts of kindness. You just never know what people may have been going through in life, or this day, so its best to practice kindness as often as possible.

How crazy would this be: the receptionist who answers the phone at a hearing aid facility talks too fast and doesn’t listen to the caller even when the caller states that they are hard of hearing?

Crazy is too often true but this story is even worse – the receptionist hung up not once, not twice, but three times on my client, a disabled man who wears two hearing aids!

This client, we’ll call him Joe (not his name), had lost one of his custom made, expensive hearing aids which is why he was calling. He was quite worried and obviously having even more trouble hearing without one of his aids. When the woman answered the phone, she spoke rapidly and Joe asked first if he had reached “the hearing aid place”. Instead of answering yes or no, and surmising that the caller has at the least, a hearing problem, the receptionist rattled off several sentences that Joe could not understand. He then asked her to please speak more slowly – and can she just say yes or no if he has reached the right place? Again, she rattled off several sentences that he did not understand. When he tried to explain that he has a phone for the hearing impaired and if she speaks more slowly he can adjust the receiver – she continued to talk over him without listening.

Keep in mind – she’s answering the phone at a place that makes hearing aids….

As the woman continued to talk over Joe, he raised his voice and said – hold on, hold on, please hold on…and she hung up on him! This was very upsetting to him, but he dialed the place again. When she answered he said – if this is the hearing aid place, i think im the person you just hung up on…and she hung up on him again without a word!

Fifteen years ago this man was a working truck driver, transporting goods that you and I count on, when in winter he had a terribly serious accident. He has since had some memory, comprehension, and hearing problems. It also took him a couple of years to regain the ability to walk or have feeling in several areas of his body. He has never been able to work or live a full life since.

People who experience such traumas have long lasting affects to their emotions as well – easily set off panic, anxiety, fear, and memories of their trauma; your basic post traumatic stress disorder. Something as “simple” as being rudely dismissed and hung up on when trying to call for help – sets off anxiety and even memories of his life threatening accident.

My client’s wife, also an older woman with some disabilities of her own, called the hearing aid place a third time and was able to speak to the physician who makes the hearing aids. When she explained what had happened, the physician said – “The receptionist told me that Joe was rude to her. I know he has hearing problems but she’s new – there’s two sides to everything.”This cavalier attitude made Joe feel betrayed by a practitioner who had worked with him for a long time and usually understands.

It also suggests that he will not do much to retrain this new receptionist – who needs to perhaps realize that people calling a hearing aid place, may be hard of hearing.

The practitioner obviously did nothing about it that day. Joe called the next day to inform the physician that the hearing aid had been found and to ask if it should be brought in for adjustment so Joe wouldn’t lose it again. The receptionist hung up on him the minute she heard Joe’s voice!

What happened to common courtesy? Any patience or compassion? Is “the customer is always right” completely outdated?

Joe told me he thought about his phone call “for several days” trying to learn how he had acted so badly as to “deserve” such treatment. His wife confirmed for him that he had likely done nothing at all wrong. I agree and I’ve worked with Joe for nearly a year.

I hope we’ve all had the experience of our day improving because someone smiled at us or had a kind word to say. I know I have. Unfortunately the opposite is also true.

Fortunately, Joe has gained some wisdom and strength during his years of recovery and rebuilding life. Despite his ruminations, and the usual feelings he has of being isolated, left out, misunderstood, and a bother because he always has to ask people to slow down when speaking, he was able to go on with relative stability and whatever joy he is able to experience.

No thanks to a young receptionist who needs to learn manners at least – and to practice kindness more than randomly, at best.

Americans’ Main Regrets Are Lack Of Romantic Relationships, Higher Education

09 Jun 2011 Regrets – we’ve all had a few. Although too many regrets can interfere with life and mental health, a healthy amount of regret can motivate us to improve our lives, say researchers Mike Morrison of the University of Illinois and Neal Roese of Northwestern University in the current issue of Social Psychological and Personality Science (published by SAGE).

The researchers telephoned a representative sample of nearly 400 Americans to ask them about what they regret. The most frequent regrets of Americans are about love, education, and work. Romantic regrets – America’s most common – focused on lost chances for potential romances, and relationships that did not live up to their potential.

The other common regrets for Americans involved family, education, career, finances, and parenting. Women were more likely to have regrets about relationships (romance, family), and men were more likely to have regrets about work (career and education). It was the lack of romantic relationships and the lack of higher education that were regretted most.

At first, people tend to regret the things they’ve done more than the opportunities they didn’t take. But with time, people come to regret more keenly the chances they let go past. Over their lives, Americans had more regret about the times they’ve lacked opportunities than about the choices they’ve made.

“We tend to regret matters that are most important to us,” said Morrison, “people crave strong, stable social relationships and are unhappy when they lack them.” Regret can be painful, but it can also be useful. “Some people say they try to live life without regret and, I think that’s being unfair to the human condition,” said Roese, “if we try to squeeze regrets away, we’re sacrificing a bit of our humanity.”

The article:
“Regrets of the Typical American: Findings From a Nationally Representative Sample” in Social Psychological and Personality Science.

Resolve to be mindful – its easy, and gets the house clean!

We made it through another holiday season, I hope it was joyous and wonderful for all! In between carrying out your new years resolutions and getting back to a more routine life, which can actually seem restful after a few months of holiday exceptions and mayhem, we may notice that the house needs some attention. If you are among those who entertained or decorated, chances are you’ve put away the tree ornaments, but the house is in need of a good post holiday clean.

Maybe you didn’t change your home much for the holidays and kept up with your usual housecleaning – or your usual not housecleaning. In either case, the following way to approach cleaning as a mindfulness activity will accomplish at least two things: your house will look and feel better, and so will you!

Read, lather, rinse – and repeat often! Happy new year!

Mindfulness Exercise #4: Cleaning House
The term “cleaning house” has a literal meaning (cleaning up your actual house) as well as a figurative one (getting rid of “emotional baggage,” letting go of things that no longer serve you), and both can be great stress relievers! Because clutter has several hidden costs and can be a subtle but significant stressor, cleaning house and de-cluttering as a mindfulness exercise can bring lasting benefits. To bring mindfulness to cleaning, you first need to view it as a positive event, an exercise in self-understanding and stress relief, rather than simply as a chore. Then, as you clean, focus on what you are doing as you are doing it — and nothing else. Feel the warm, soapy water on your hands as you wash dishes; experience the vibrations of the vacuum cleaner as you cover the area of the floor; enjoy the warmth of the laundry as you fold it; feel the freedom of letting go of unneeded objects as you put them in the donations bag. It may sound a little silly as you read it here, but if you approach cleaning as an exercise in mindfulness, it can become one. (I also recommend adding music to the equation.)

From:
“Eat Food. Not too Much. Mostly Plants.” Michael Pollan, in Defense of Food, The Omnivores Dilemma

NEW OFFICE LOCATION: 68 Coombs St, A-2

Recently I had to move from my office because the building was sold. As it turns out, im in a better one! Very light with large windows, and older solid building with other therapists and a couple of other small businesses. Easy parking. My office decor and plants are very happy there – I know we all will be too!

Womens’ group and other groups up to 8 people will be comfortable. Arthritis group and workshops, if larger than groups of 8, will be held in other venues.

68 Coombs Street, Napa, CA 94558  Ste A-2

See you there!

practice update-announcements and opportunities!

Dear current, former, and future clients! I hope the summer is going well for you. We all benefit from the long light days. I am posting to inform you of some new policies and opportunities for working with me.

*My rates will be going up 10% as of September 12 for all types and lengths of sessions.

Meanwhile – SAVE and have continuity of care – Im offering the following session packages between now and September 12:

3 sessions for $325 – save $50 – good for 3 months
6 sessions for $650 – save $100 – good for 6 months
12 sessions for $1200 – save $300 – good for 1 year
20 sessions for $2000 – save $500 – good for 2 years

This is a way to value & maintain yourself/your relationships ~
even if you just check-in periodically to keep it all on track!

>package sessions are honored (no rate increase) til your package runs out!
>package sessions can be used by the couple or either individual
>sessions are 50 minutes

GROUPS & WORKSHOPS THIS FALL:
Call 707-266-1269 OR email lovehelp@me.com

dates and rates for these events will be posted separately as they firm up but I am accepting names of interested people – you’ll receive first notice and priority registration!

**Women’s sexuality and relationship group meets every other week
**HIS PMS !! POSITIVE MALE SEXUALITY – weekend day workshops
**Arthritis/disabilities/chronic illness education/support meetings – free
**Intimacy and disabilities – workshop sponsored by Arthritis Foundation
in September & at Bone and Joint expo in October at Queen of the Valley

More info on these offers and events and about the counselor is available at
www.holisticounseling.org

>credit cards accepted for all services and events via paypal

Ways women orgasm..or don’t: what do you know? And – would YOU tell?

I was recently asked to link with the site of a woman who is trying to collect stories about women’s masturbation and orgasm experiences – or lack thereof, (read to the end of this article for the web address). When I looked at her home page, I decided not to link at the moment, although I saw a few really good points about this issue. For example, we would never think a man could reach orgasm without stimulation to his penis (although some may be able to) – but women are often expected, and often expect of themselves, to reach orgasm without adequate stimulation to the clitoris.

I like her idea of collecting stories from women who masturbate, and if/how they orgasm and if/how they translate that to having sex with a partner. I haven’t read the stories on her site, but she claims some women are responding negatively and don’t want to include theirs. I think some people would not wish to put their most personal experiences on line. Even if the site owner were doing formal research supported by a university or sexual science organization – among people given legal guidelines about how their identity and information would be respected as private for research, many still do not participate.

Her approach – which she claims in part is to “provoke” women into participating – and the medium of the internet may not be acceptable to many women, who need to feel trust and comfort, as well as a desire to contribute to the data base the site’s author claims to be building. Some women may be turned off by the stories and not want theirs associated.

Others may find it painful to discuss this issue and have no reason to do so with the site author, a complete stranger. She does not appear to have a degree or any training in sexology and/or psychology. Not that every person who collects sexuality stories or has a business related to sex has or needs a degree, but some training might help in collecting intimate life stories from people and reporting on them with integrity.

I sent the following responses to her:

“Here are some research results from various sources that I wonder if you know:

Only about 30% of women report having orgasms with intercourse alone

Its common for women to need an average of 20 minutes of clitoral and/or other stimulation to reach orgasm with a partner

As many as 40% of women report having never masturbated, many of them also never having had an orgasm

Some women DO have an orgasm with a partner that knows what they are doing, even if the woman herself has not masturbated or orgasmed alone

A couple of my objections to statements on your homepage:

You use the word “sex” apparently as synonymous with “intercourse” - “sex” can be a far wider experience and my not include intercourse at all – just one example is someone who is disabled and cannot have intercourse – but does report having satisfying sex. Some women have sex with women…its definitely not all about intercourse with men! Sex may not include orgasm but still be described as satisfying, again as with some persons with disabilities, injuries, or some post surgery transgendered persons.

“Sex” means a lot of things to a lot of people. Don’t use the word like it means intercourse. SAY intercourse. Other sex acts and aspects of sexual experiences make it good/bad and contribute to orgasm, with or without a partner.

Not all women use stories or any sort of fantasy when masturbating as you claim. Of those who do, some DO use explicit sexual scenes in their heads and not elaborate stories.

Points i’d like to make:

Many people have little to no comprehensive or particularly useful education about sexuality. If they had any positive information and/or experiences while growing up = they are lucky. It is common for people to have negative and limited information and experiences. This does not represent human sexual potential.

MANY women may not have orgasmed with a partner bcs the partner has lousy skills! Of people who think the woman will orgasm with intercourse alone – the male may have no useful training in the kind of intercourse that might “work”…even if that particular woman could orgasm with intercourse alone. Maybe all women could, if all men knew how to “do it” properly and all couples knew how to connect and make it a mutually ecstatic experience.

Men (and women) CAN learn to have satisfying sex including intercourse; great sex is a LEARNED SKILL for both partners. “Mating” is essentially instinctive, and most people figure out how to have rudimentary intercourse and some basics of other sexual activities. Along the spectrum, luckier people have had a fun time, learned from partners, and possibly when in love. They may have a more rounded and whole-feeling sexual background including having learned some skills. Overall, however ~

Our culture handicaps people: women are supposed to shut up and expect the guy to know what to do. If women are too open or interested they run the risk of being considered a “slut” or the like. If women (and some men) weren’t put off masturbating when young, again, lucky.

MEN are kept pretty basic – they’re supposed to know what to do – perform (if they can’t – THEY are stigmatized) – but no one tells them how, often including the girls they’ve been with. Men are not routinely taught how to have intercourse in sync with a woman (who likely doesn’t know her own sync…).

Publications & links:

Gina Ogden – ginaogden.com - research reported in her last 2 books of over 4000 responses collected from people of all ages, regions in the U.S., vocations, genders, and abilities, who had what they called in some way spiritual or transcendental sex including what some term “expanded” orgasms. She surveyed women but many men answered. If some of the women are having sex with men, then some men at least, do know about more holistic sex. Brain scans as part of her research showed that sensual, sexual experiences, and resulting orgasms “light up” at least 12 regions of the brain.

She also published research specifically on women’s orgasm – in a book called “Women who love sex” showing that orgasm can happen in many ways including for some women without being touched, and for women with spinal cord injury who experienced orgasm in other parts of their bodies (again – challenging assumptions about people with disabilities!)

Gina’s research shows some of the potential that humans have sexually – away from a “performance/intercourse/orgasm goal oriented” model to something more complete and expanded if we learn how to tap into our potential.

Betty Dodson – the masturbation queen. She “put masturbation on the map” in the late 1960′s/70′s. She’s spent decades teaching women to masturbate in workshops. She tried to retire so I hear, but keeps getting calls for help from women.

Oh and there’s the classic – For Yourself by Lonnie Barbach – put out in the 70′s, all about women being sexual with themselves.” (end of my response to the woman with the website)

Now that i’ve shared my concerns about it, which i ask you to keep in mind – the name of the site is – Ways women orgasm – which I think is an excellent topic to collect stories on and as title for a publication that is obviously still needed – since Betty can’t seem to retire…

You check it out – www.wayswomenorgasm.com – read some stories – and get back to me. How does it feel and sound to you? And would YOU tell about your masturbation habits and orgasms – or lack of them – on the site?

New support meetings for Arthritis and related diseases/chronic illness

I have just been signed on as a northern california representative of Arthritis Introspective, a new non-profit organization that is “friends” with the Arthritis Foundation, designed to help develop education and support groups across the country for people with Arthritis and related diseases, and chronic illness.

As someone who was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in 1992, and is trained by the Arthritis Foundation as a support group leader, I have been seeking a sponsor for support and networking activities in my geographic area. Arthritis effects millions of people; its likely that hundreds of Napa/Sonoma and nearby citizens are dealing with this and related diseases, such as Fibromyalgia, Lupus, Ankylosing Spondilitis, Scleroderma, Gout; there are actually about 100 forms of arthritis and  related conditions. Anyone with a chronic illness, such as M.S., disability due to injury including in combat, Chronic Fatigue and others could also benefit from attending gatherings.

Location will be announced – a few places are possible depending on the expected size of the meeting (publicity and expenses sponsored by Arthritis Introspective, Inc).

Friday May 7 is the date of the first group gathering and the theme is – Meet & greet like-bodied people!

(Or should it be Whining in wine country????)

Resources and useful information will be presented in a relaxed, friendly, comfortable and accessible environment, with light snax provided. Plenty of time for sharing, asking questions, and general schmoozing! Also a chance to make your wishes and ideas known –  what kinds of topics, activities, themes, speakers would you like for future meetings?

Mark your calendar for yourself or a loved one who deals with Arthritis or a related disease or chronic illness. Family members and friends are encouraged to attend!

For more information or to RSVP – please email lovehelp@me.com or call 707-266-1269. If you don’t get a person right away, leave an email address and phone, so we can get back to you as soon as possible and inform you of the location and exact time of the meeting. You can also go to my website and email from there at www.holisticounseling.org.

Looking very forward to meeting – and making – this Napa/Sonoma support network!

Best to all – Rhea

“SEX ADDICTION” is NOT a real thing – even if it is a “reality” show!

I just received an email informing me that so called sex addiction is the topic “du jour” and as such being discussed by a panel of various experts and peanut gallery persona. I was invited to listen. My response was:

(dear woman who emailed me about this) Unless i was on that panel – or someone is – denying the very existence of “sex addiction” – a made up diagnosis that is patently unscientific – has NO empirical evidence to support it – i would be too angry to listen to such a panel.

I too am a certified sex therapist and professional counseling psychologist. The current fad over “sex addiction” and “treatment” for it, are a travesty, getting media attention and making money for many professionals (even if some are well meaning and believe the diagnosis themselves). After all, if sex addiction is on a “reality” show – it must be real! The “diagnosis” and “treatment” process are damaging to people, as these people do not really have anything sexually “wrong” with them, but come to believe they do.

What they DO have is behavior and relationship problems, or they may use sexuality inappropriately or handle sexual indescretions badly. Such COMMON problems are not disorders nor addictions. Diagnoses of addiction and disorders have very specific criteria and serious physiological symptoms that truly impair people’s lives. IMPAIR does not mean – causing a ruckus because you had affairs and your spouse (and the media) find out about it. IMPAIR does not mean – having a high sex drive, and low commitment or relationship skills.

Men and women have affairs or frequent sex out of committed relationships for a variety of complicated reasons – cultural, personal, mental, emotional and having to do with their individual lives. These are problems in living that get acted out, sometimes with unfortunate consequences that distress the individual and those around them – but they are NOT caused by physiological addictions.

If every person in history – or now – who was unfaithful, had a high sex drive, or who handles relatiionships and sexuality badly was “diagnosed” as an addict – the number would be in the millions if not billions. Its just a way of making sex a negative, immoral thing, and calling people who don’t have good relationship skills “sick”.

The facts: there IS no determined “normal” amount of desire nor sex to have. Barring a small percentage with a biological problem, high sex drive or low, for either sex – IS normal. So is having lousy relationship and sexuality skills in a culture where sex is considered a negative that we dont even talk about – let alone provide useful, effective, education regarding.

We have more regulations about fishing for which we need a license – but to get married (or not) and have sex or produce children – we aren’t even required to take a child development class. Heaven forbid kids should not have geometry in high school – but not a moment is spent on learning about families, relationships, and healthy, positive sexually as part of a healthy, positive lifestyle.

“Treatment” for so called sex addiction can mimic 12 step programs, an inappropriate match, and usually focuses on repression of sexuality, and produces guilt. People adopt the guilt and “im sick” mode – again, rather than learning healthy relationships and sexuality as part of a healthy, responsibly handled lifestyle, whether in a committed relationship or not.

The lack of empirical support for the “addiction” label is well known and has been argued by many medical doctors and therapists, as well as researchers. Unfortunately, less than scientific arguments and reasons continue to promote this topic “du jour”… to the detriment of individuals who have problems, to the profit of those who create television shows and  ”treat” these “patients” (even if sincerely).

I hope (I continued to the woman who emailed me) this aspect of the issue WILL be WELL represented on your panel. If not – you are not promoting sexual health nor a sex positive culture based on knowledge, science, and the birthright of humans to experience pleasure in sexuality (with safety and consent).

NEW, EXPANDED OFFICE LOCATION! Thanks for being patient while we remodeled our practice!

Thank you for your patience and confidence while my office was in a temporary location. I am very excited about the larger and nicer office I’ll be occupying as of February 28, 2010! It is attached to my new residence, but has a separate entrance and is much larger than the temporary space I’ve been using.

Office hours and events will continue in the Lernhart location until Thursday February 25, and resume in the new place on March 2 in the evening, when our fantastic women’s group meets.

My website will be undergoing major updates and additions in the coming months, but the web address will remain the same, as will my email address. I wanted to keep the same phone number, but for various reasons I had to get a new one. Please make a note of the new number, and look for announcements of an office open house plus other events in the near future!

After February 28 – call 707-266-1269 for information and appointments, and/or log onto www.holisticounseling.org.

Best wishes,

Rhea